I was also 16 when a 50 year old married man in a position of power and responsibility groomed me for sex. It was abuse but I didn’t realize that at the time. I needed years of therapy to deal with the consequences on both my emotional health and difficulties with relationships. I did confront him years later and got an apology - very unusual- he then confessed to his priest and I found out both he and his wife had been sexually assault victims as children and he’d never told anyone before about his abuse. It was a vicious vicious cycle of abuse that I broke open.
Rape is the word, not sex, not making love, but exploitation of young women who live with the trauma the rest of their lives. My heart goes out to all victims.
As a survivor of sexual abuse from an older family member, it wasn’t until many years of therapy that I finally entered a healthy relationship at the age of 37. Alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, unwanted pregnancies, anger and control issues were the root of my being. When my therapist said all those behaviors were the result of my trauma, and ever so common in others suffering the same traumas, i began to believe I could heal. I worked hard and healed in many ways, but still reckon with thought patterns directed at my destruction. I recognize them and move on from them, hoping one day they will be a distant memory.
When the teen is seeing shows and movies and reading stories that glorify the (under)age gap and "praise" (groom) teen girls about being sexually attractive (to older men) as their measure of worth is it a wonder that this societal programming gets ignored or accepted by girls and young men? Today it's both more understood and exposed as a problem with much more awareness of unbalanced power dynamics as a problem. In the days of Brook Shields with Jordash jeans and American Beauty it seemed like Society approved at least in the absence of disapproval. With the Twilight series there was a discomfort but post the beginnings of Metoo the tide has shifted to a marked and very positive support of teens being more wary of unbalanced power dynamics.
The shame should rest on the person in the power dynamic that had and has more power. The teen is not at fault even in the fabled twisted mind of the Lolita narrator.
I was also 16 when a 50 year old married man in a position of power and responsibility groomed me for sex. It was abuse but I didn’t realize that at the time. I needed years of therapy to deal with the consequences on both my emotional health and difficulties with relationships. I did confront him years later and got an apology - very unusual- he then confessed to his priest and I found out both he and his wife had been sexually assault victims as children and he’d never told anyone before about his abuse. It was a vicious vicious cycle of abuse that I broke open.
POWERFUL!
Rape is the word, not sex, not making love, but exploitation of young women who live with the trauma the rest of their lives. My heart goes out to all victims.
As a survivor of sexual abuse from an older family member, it wasn’t until many years of therapy that I finally entered a healthy relationship at the age of 37. Alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, unwanted pregnancies, anger and control issues were the root of my being. When my therapist said all those behaviors were the result of my trauma, and ever so common in others suffering the same traumas, i began to believe I could heal. I worked hard and healed in many ways, but still reckon with thought patterns directed at my destruction. I recognize them and move on from them, hoping one day they will be a distant memory.
Thanks for this; I agree a teenage young woman should never have sex with an older man, ESPECIALLY if it is rape.
When the teen is seeing shows and movies and reading stories that glorify the (under)age gap and "praise" (groom) teen girls about being sexually attractive (to older men) as their measure of worth is it a wonder that this societal programming gets ignored or accepted by girls and young men? Today it's both more understood and exposed as a problem with much more awareness of unbalanced power dynamics as a problem. In the days of Brook Shields with Jordash jeans and American Beauty it seemed like Society approved at least in the absence of disapproval. With the Twilight series there was a discomfort but post the beginnings of Metoo the tide has shifted to a marked and very positive support of teens being more wary of unbalanced power dynamics.
The shame should rest on the person in the power dynamic that had and has more power. The teen is not at fault even in the fabled twisted mind of the Lolita narrator.