Bearing witness, Part 1

Even though it’s sometimes unbearable.

Journalism is too opaque and misunderstood. Chills gives a behind-the-scenes look at how dangerous investigative journalism gets made. 

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The blank white screen bothers some writers, but it’s never bothered me. Especially when I know my material well, I trust myself to fill the empty box with words. Yet here I am, gazing out my window at the mix of verdant pines and spiky, nude deciduous trees and, beyond them, the craggy Northern Cascades, not writing what I set out to write. The wintry sky has lulled my overly busy mind, made it into a fine gauze of static.

It’s peaceful, this state of simply existing. But in this case, it’s also a form of dissociation. The static is still there, even if barely discernable.

The Mayo Clinic: People with dissociative disorders escape reality in ways that are involuntary and unhealthy and cause problems with functioning in everyday life. Dissociative disorders usually develop as a reaction to trauma and help keep difficult memories at bay.